Shame on you for thinking you're an exception
We're all to blame
Crashing down to Earth
Wasting and burning out
Fading like a dead star
Harm is coming your way
Yeah it's coming your way

Shame on you for thinking you're all alone
Thats complete bullshit
If you want I'll make you wish you were
Failing to impress
Why can't you sleep with someone who'll protect you
Harm is coming your way
Yeah it's coming your way

You used to be everything to me
And now you're tired of fighting
Tired of fighting, of fighting yourself

A familiar face lingered back and forth. Your caring words showed the concern which never failed to soothe an aching heart. I smiled.

 

Your messages broke the silence, and filled colors to sepia days, and an empty heart. I smiled.

 

When I lay beaten and bruised on the dirt filled ground, you offered your hands to a weakened me. Amidst my blurred vision wet eyes brought, I saw a worried you. I paused, and then smiled.

 

Across the study table, I caught you catching glances, and you too caught mine. As our eyes crossed, we smiled.

 

Flowers blossomed and the trees grew tall, in a garden borne of care, faith and love. This could not be hell, so I smiled.

 

Panting, I scaled to the highest point of campus to offer the goddess Selene my hot red heart, and she caressed my cheek with her petite hand. I simply smiled.

 

The smell of Pantene from your hair fuses with the air that surrounded me as I ruffled them with my indelicate fingers, and when we finally embraced, your Clorets remove my rancid breath of death sticks. I smiled.

 

-

-

-

 

Like fleeting dreams, the sun and moon take turns to challenge and beat the ages of time.

 

I got out of my bed, with hopes of perpetuity. But to be realistic, there isn't such a thing is it? Having understood, I really have to be realistic as well for the both of us. Especially… for you.

 

I thank you for all the smiles. Thank you for everthing wonderful you've given me. Stay happy always.

 

Always, smile.

=)

 

 

   I'm overwhelmed by pessimism. Struggling with my revision and assignments, there simply isn't enough time. I've also been evicted from hall cause my 'roomies' need to study. There jus isn't enough space and laptops for the 3 of us.This phase will surely come to a halt very soon. My exams start on the 15th April till 24th April. By then I'll be free to focus on the other things that I want to do. I have been finding ways of motivating myself to wtudy hard on my own for this entire semester. Really miss the way you used to encourage and support me in your loving ways. It's sad that I no longer get that anymore. There are times when I wonder, will you ever still do the same? 

      Alright, there are good things that make me smile. I've been studying well. As in I find myself slowly able to catch up with my work. It really feels good to understand what I'm studying. I have friends who are really nice to me. They are very patient in clearing my doubts. I must also thank mandy especially once again for spurring me on to work hard together, but our accounting is still in shambles!

   I've also cooked in the kitchen for the very first time in my entire life! It was really a fun thing to do especially when I could play around with the ingredients to make it taste the way I want it to. Hope you'll get a chance to try my cooking one day.

   I'm also starting to pick up on the guitar. My fingers are really stiff so it has been a challenge for me to keep up. I hope to be able to sing and strum soon. Other things that I look forward to are two upcoming movies that I wanna watch. Three Kingdom (stars Maggie Q) and the invincible Iron-man, my all-time favourite flawed superhero. The Iron-man toys are out, and they sure are tempting. 

   Oh and your birthday present is on it's way to completion. I really really hope that you will like it. The process of preparing it really gives me a sense of fulfilment and achievement!

   Okay, got to get back to mugging.

   It had been a busy busy 2 weeks for me. I've been held up by a series of tests and reports. In fact, I'm still currently trying to finish up the final report for my financial management module. I will be having 3 more presentations for the next 2 weeks and that will be done for the coursework of this semester. Exams will begin right after the end of the coursework, which is 2 weeks from now. There is simply insufficient time for revision. Thus, I've been doing my revision concurrently with my other workload. It's really hard to understand why this semester seemed to be so packed. I guess it is progressively getting tougher and tougher from here on.

   Thanks to Mandy! You've been helping me out a lot lately with my school work. It's a blessing to have you around in such times. You make a wonderful tutor, and not forgetting a perfect friend! Thanks for spending so much time helping out. The treat is still on!

   Are you feeling alright? Remember I used to tell you to be contented with what you have and don't try to want more out of what you already have? You are a happy girl now so do stay cheerful. Treat every other good thing that comes as bonuses. I guess my exams will end before yours. I'm pretty much preoccupied with school work and some other things, which I don't intend to reveal until I find an appropriate opportunity. Heh heh... In the meantime, remember to take care of your health, have early nights and focus well on your studies. Hope to catch up with you after your exams!

   Wow... The past week was madness. I hardly even had the time to use the computer for leisure. Well, it wasn't the worst week that I've had. It really makes me wonder, how can an 18 AU semester be this busy? I feel really sad for the engineering students who are actually going through more than this. Well, they don't need to worry about GPA anyway. Guess there are pros and cons.

   I just had this sudden urge to write, even though I'm supposed to be busy with editing and formatting my accounting report and studying for my BizLaw test on tomorrow. Sigh. It's weird that I actually pen down what I feel in a place that I don't really believe in. To me, blogging is somewhat a means of seeking attention? It draws unwanted attention at times, and sometimes the attention of the ones you wish having. However, I realized that I wanted to do this, and I believe something constuctive will come out of it. This is my rationale for blogging. Why would I want to do this? To get your attention perhaps? Afterall, I've said that this could be the only way I get to update you about myself... If you are ever still interested. You probably won't even know it anyway.

   I hope your auditions went fine. And did well (like you always did last semester) in all the tests that you had taken. I had a couple of tests last week and I must say that I didn't do very well. I'll work harder for it. Afterall, the exams are coming? Your exams will most likely be one or two weeks earlier than mine. I hope it won't clash on your birthday so that you'll get a chance to really enjoy yourself. We will be having our long breaks. More job hunting for you I guess? As for me, I'm planning to take up one or two electives during the term break. I'll have to pay for those subjects since they would be taken out of school term. At the same time, I will be looking for jobs as well.

   I have been saving up. Resisted the temptations of cabs and have been taking public transport. I really really am not used to taking a bus or train. When I first stepped into one of those for the first time since... ages..., it was totally foreign to me. You know me. I'd rather not waste precious time and energy standing and squeezing in the crowd, and keep risking my toe getting stepped on. I wanna work. So that I get more money. I have been living on my own (with my roomies) for the past couple of months. I come home only during the weekends. My parents miss me all the time but they are glad that I can be independent.

   Oh and my toys. Remember my precious figurines? They mean alot to me all these years. Even now. I told you once that everytime something new arrives, they never fail to brighten my day. Toy collection has always been a way for me to keep myself cheerful. I've always been proud of my massive collection. I remember saying to you that collecting toys to me is like shopping for new clothes for you. I thought that this would ever cross my mind but ya... I intend to sell all my toys once I find a suitable buyer. The amount invested in my massive collection is bound to yield alot of money. Why the sudden decision to sell after saying all these? Perhaps it's because I got to learn to let go. I'm probably doing this to prove something to myself. I want to know what I am still capable of doing. I want to learn how to let go, and yet hold on to the things that mean much more to me. Money isn't applicable in this context. Money isn't that important to me. My personal development is. I will never want to ruin myself by doing things just because I want to or like it. Something constructive must come out of it.

   Is everything still too late? I wish I'd know. Keeping a faith that was once borne from the both of us still keeps me going, still motivates me. Maybe it's wrong for me to hold on to something that no longer exists and use that as a form of motivation, but it helps me, at least for now during this busy period. So why not? Ultimately I'm never someone who can get over and be cool about it easily. That's my trait. It can be my strength and my weakness.  Even though you aren't here anymore, my life still goes on as well. I may not be as happy as I used to be, but it's still going to be this case anyway.

   Anyway, all the best for the coming week. Enjoy your outings with your friends and more importantly, the life that you've been hoping for. Alright. Bed time for me. I'll be praying for you to stay happy always. Take care my angel.

=)

   It's been 7 weeks. Many things must have happened in each of our own lives. Perhaps the only way you'll get to know how I'm doing will be through my entries? I do hope you read still...

   I was silly. An impudent, rash dork who always said and did the wrong things that put you off. Not just you I suppose, probably many others as well. Days without you have been painful, but I've grown to realize the other beautiful things in life that make me happy. I have wonderful friends and an amazing family. I still remember what I felt during the time I got into the iron accident. The reason I went up on stage to sing still was to enjoy the pleasure of singing to my supporters and do my family and friends proud, and to make them smile. Lately, I seemed to have lost sight of that sensation. However, their consistent presence proved to be a good reminder for me to pick up what I had lost. I must say that I lost a lot of confidence the moment I came to terms with what you've said to me, but I'm picking up. I'm smiling more often, the way I used to a couple of years back. I've been telling myself to stay focused and not have perpetual thoughts on our past.

   I'm also finally able to focus more on my studies properly. It's kind of a torture when I find myself knowing nuts about what I'm reading and doing. Guess this is the only thing that's really bothering me now. Ha! I still count myself fortunate for having friends who are willing to help me out with my work.

   My classmates did a mini birthday celebration for me and two other classmates four days back. It was a wonderful kbox session at Jurong East. It was great singing with Xixun! She's simply one of the most versatile singer I've heard, and I, who's always strict and critical, actually found her one of the best performers that I've ever known. Good job Xixun! And congrats for your magnificent victory as Hall Idol! Looking forward to more singing with you. It's a shame that I never really bothered to remember how to post pictures on the blog. We took some fun pictures, and I still can't believe that I actually bothered to PAY to have neoprints taken. Woot! Finally got to see a picture of myself in long hair.

   Man, this blog is really boring without pictures. I'll want to make it a point to update more consistently about myself. However, it's going to get real busy for all of us for the next one and a half months now that the exams are nearing.

I've been praying for good results on your Stardust auditions. Give it your best shot ya? Alright, nuff said. Time to mug.

   

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me I was almost dead

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

   There are times when claims don't mean anything, but actions and behaviors prove it. Having been through a virgin experience that I've never had previously finally made me see it after 23 years of life. A person like myself always believed that I'm confident in doing the things that I'm good at, and I can achieve the impossible. Believing in myself has always been the drive to accomplish things. It still stands and I will never stop believing. How have I learnt? Or how will I learn? Only time will tell. I will give myself ample time for that.

   Emotions makes us feel, and is capable of turning us from a beautiful person into an instinctive creature that causes misery. In such times, logic is the remedy to pain. I am good at understanding emotions but absolutely know nuts about logic. It is time to be intimate with the side of me that has yet to be discovered. 

   Well, everyday is a new start in life. In fact my life isn't that bad at all. I finally got a chance to sing in a band, found friends who put in faith in me and I've accepted what each new day has to offer. Although there have been slight glitches here and there, doing the other things that I do now makes me happy and I look forward to spending every new day meaningfully. Thanks... For reminding me. It has always been in me but your words helped me find it back again. I'll strive to be better for myself, and do things that will make me smile for myself. This is the best birthday present. A reminder for my strength. I am the globe of faith. I am contented.

=)

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I won't wait forever
No I won't wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I won't wait forever
No I won't wait forever

No I won't wait forever